Shakeela weds Gulfam:a desi wedding story

Sunain next week phoppo ki Shakeela ki shadi hai, tou weekend pe shopping pe chalain.

Honey,its Shakeela's wedding next week lets go for shopping.Every Pakistani household is confronted with the greatest problem during the wedding season;what to wear?

So this conversation is followed by several visits to the designers and tailors and then after wasting hours (in fact days) in shopping, a dress is usually purchased.( It is ironic that thousands of rupees are squandered on a dress whose utility is just for a few hours).

Then there comes the question of makeup, appointments are reserved, followed by 2-3 trips to the beauty salons as if the ladies are attending the coronation of the Queen of England.

This makes them appear as Emelia Recolleti of the abominable bride of BBC Sherlock.

Before visiting the beauty parlour

After visiting the beauty parlour

Shakeela

The bride (referred to as Shakeela) comes all loaded in jewellery and looks like a cow for slaughter,rather than a human being.

Gulfam

The groom usually wears red turban, despite having a dark complexion and appear as Rajhastani nomad rather than a groom.

Pakistani groom

A Rajhastani Man

Types of people

There are several types of people who attend a wedding;

Firstly the aunties

they tend to be chatterboxes.

Mashallah kitni piyari lag rhe hai Shakeela.

Shakeela looks gorgeous

Bilkul chand si lag rhe hai Shakeela.

Bara acha larka hai Gulfam.

Gulfam is a nice lad.

But on the contrary ,the only attribute that is valued in Gulfam is his financial status. Consider a situation, if Gulfam is just an ordinary guy with very less wealth, why would Shakeela's elders choose him to be her fiancee.

The Uncles

Han bhai ye Nawaz Sharif ki government tou gai

Raheel shareef ko extension mil jani chahye

Ye Altaf Hussain Kahan Ghayab hai aj kal?

Yar aj kal textile ka tou bura hal hai

ye arrangement kam az kam 1200/= per head tou hoga

Meene ki shadi pe 1800/= per head ka arrangement hai

The uncles discuss everything from politics to business to anything in the world. They kill their time by these discussions as they have no interest in the proceedings off the ceremony.


The guys

Aur bhai call of duty khela?

Wo daikh Sumera ko bohat tyt lag rhe hai

Pak gae yar,shadi kisi ki aur remand dosron ka.

The guys tend to get bored during the wedding except for their staring incursions.

The Birds

The girls(referred to as birds) wear very bright and colorful dresses and hence labeled as birds,they don too much make up and walk here and there to gain attention. They laugh very loudly on the lamest jokes to appear cool.

They are usually heard aying;”Chalo dulhan ko daikh kr aatey hain.” As if the bride as ascended from another planet.

All you can eat type of people

They tend to fill every single inch of their plates, as if it is their last meal.

The biryani folks

They are just interested in Biryani. They tend to enjoy it, and usually refill their plates with the dish as soon as new lot has been transferred in the bowls.

What am I doing with my life type

These guys tend to feel like aliens in these festivities as they are unable to find anyone to discuss their topics of interest. They tend to observe everyone and consider them idiots.

Taste it folks

These guys taste a little bit of everything and that is enough for them.

Feast

And then comes the most awaited time, when all the good looking decent ladies and gentlemen transform into the most malnourished beings (as they rush towards the tables especially in Memon weddings) of the world.

People set their feet on others, they dribble with serving spoons in the dish for their favorite piece of meat, and they spill it on other’s dress. And hence the main event comes to its logical conclusion.

Where are Shakeela and Ghufran?

So these two are sitting on the stage like some idols and have pasted a diplomatic smile on their faces and people tend to ascend the stage to greet them.

Then there comes the photo session at the end, here all the relatives come to have a snapshot with the couple. The most interesting people are the photo bombers ( the kids who walk at the back to come in the photos).

And then finally the wedding ends with everyone rushing to their homes. In just four hours millions have been squandered. Who says Pakistan is a poor country?

“Shakeela ki shadi me bara maza aya, Saleema ki bhi isi venue me honi chahye”. Said Jameela

‘Chup kr k betho aur bheja mat pakao.” Amir protested